


Tied To A Railroad

by valkyriered



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Crying, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Medical Horror, Rough Sex, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:34:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriered/pseuds/valkyriered
Summary: Shiro struggles with Ulaz's history of violence. Sequel to Demenior's A Crisis In Your Eyes, please read her fic first or this one will not make sense. Vaguely dubcon.





	Tied To A Railroad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Demenior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demenior/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Crisis in Your Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11096244) by [Demenior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demenior/pseuds/Demenior). 



> Alright folks, this is a sequel to Demenior’s A Crisis in Your Eyes. I recently found this in my WIPs and finished it up and….here we are. Please read her fic before reading this, bc otherwise it will not make sense.
> 
> This is rated explicit, content includes sex, allusions to gore, discussion of murder, some stuff that could feel dubcon-y if you’re not vibing with that.

Ulaz is gentler with him than usual, even if Shiro is more aggressive than ever.

Maybe he’s trying to prove something. Maybe they both are. But when Shiro digs his teeth into Ulaz’s shoulder, Ulaz doesn’t push him off. Instead he makes a low noise in his throat and very gently strokes the crown of Shiro’s head, and Shiro wants to cry.

Instead, he bites down harder.

When they got off of Black, the Paladins had been waiting. He’d almost forgotten that there had been a true mission to this, a point beyond digging into Ulaz’s past, but Pidge had wanted to know if they’d found any old tech and Allura wanted to know what the villagers wanted.

He’d reported back to Allura, dry-eyed and comfortably dissociated from the situation. He’d told her about the medicines they’d needed, that he recommended some food as well. He’d thought idly about the ones that should probably be put out of their misery.

And then he’d marched off to his room and hyperventilated until he passed out.

It’s not fair, he thinks. To the people of that village. If he were being fair, he would slit Ulaz’s throat right now. If there were any justice, Ulaz would be dead a thousand times over, tortured to death in the same fashion that he’d used against hundreds of innocents. Ulaz thrusts in a little harder, and Shiro gasps, his back arching.

He hates himself for this. He wants to kill Ulaz, a little bit. He wonders if Kolivan knows what he did. (Probably, he thinks. Don’t the Blade of Marmora operate at any cost?) He wonders if Kolivan would be upset if he killed him. It would be so easy. Ulaz would still sleep beside him if Shiro let him into his bed, despite having been banished to his own room when they returned from the mission a week ago. Shiro could slit Ulaz’s throat while he sleeps, quiet and trusting. Even now, at this moment, Shiro could activate his arm and thrust it through his belly, twisting and shoving upwards until Ulaz died from blood loss or heart failure or both. Shiro could slide off of him and drag his body to an airlock and space him. Shiro could tell Allura and let her make the killing blow. She wouldn’t hesitate.

Ulaz’s hand scrabbles down his thigh and digs into the skin there, holding him against the bed. Ulaz doesn’t have pupils, but Shiro can tell that his golden eyes are concentrated between them, where Ulaz’s groin meets his thighs, and so Shiro takes the time to study him.

Ulaz sees what he did as justified. And maybe that’s the worst part. That he has no remorse. Maybe it’s shitty and unfair of him to wish his nightmares on Ulaz, his trauma and regret on him. Shiro tries to imagine himself as okay with the violence he committed in the arena, and the thought of it makes his stomach turn.

“How old are you?” Shiro asks, breathlessly.

Ulaz’s eyes flick up to meet his gaze. “Fifty of your human years.”

Fifty. Maybe it’s something age does to you. Ulaz spent his whole life at war against a massive, powerful army that he could never win against. Maybe that does something to you, too. Maybe if Shiro were in the same position, he would’ve done the same thing.

 _No_ , he thinks, more sure of it than anything. He could never do that. He killed in the arena a hundred times over, but never willingly. Never in the same detached way Ulaz talks about his victims. Ulaz is fucking into him harder, and Shiro’s back and hips begin to ache, but he doesn’t move. “Harder.” He says idly, his voice barely above a whisper. Ulaz obliges, and it hurts, and it feels— fuck, it feels good.

Shiro digs his heels into the blanket and fucks back against him, closing his eyes and losing himself to the steady rhythm of the two of them. He hates him. He wants to kill him. Ulaz killed people, Ulaz tortured people to death, and they died slowly, in pitiful, lonely agony. They lived out Shiro’s worst nightmares, they experienced everything he fears and more. He remembers families and friends holding each others broken bodies in their cells, the sounds of choking as they drowned in fluids filling their lungs. Shiro can’t imagine the nightmares that plague the people in that camp. He thinks of how Ulaz holds him when he wakes up screaming. How lucky is he, to be nearly-whole. To be missing only an arm. And Ulaz— Ulaz, who has almost no scars at all. Ulaz who wears nothing on his skin. Shiro chokes on a sharp inhale. Ulaz, who committed the worst crimes of all, made it out entirely unscathed. He imagines his nightmares about Haggar, but this time Ulaz is the one bending over him, leering, ordering that he not be allowed anything to dull the pain.

He imagines Ulaz pinning him down.

Before he realizes it, his hand is flying up to cover his face, his breath hitching.

Ulaz slows.

“Shiro?”

“Keep going.” He demands, even as he feels hot tears begin to run down his face. “Fuck—don’t stop.” It doesn’t feel good anymore. It just hurts, Ulaz is pushing too hard and they didn’t lube up enough and Shiro’s not even hard anymore, he hasn’t been for a while.

“Shiro—“

“Shut up.” He gasps. “God, just— shut up.” He feels sick, and dizzy, and he presses his hand closer to his eyes, screwing them shut against the flow of tears. “I hate you.”

Ulaz makes a sound low in his throat, quiet and wounded, but he doesn’t stop or pull away. His claws dig in tighter to Shiro’s hips.

“I should kill you.” Shiro says, breathlessly. “You— I should kill you.”

“You killed too, Shiro.”

“Not like you.”

“Shiro—“

“We should both be dead. I wish we were both dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

Shiro covers his face with his hands. “Can you finish?”

“We don’t have to—“

“No just, fuck, Ulaz, just finish, okay, Christ—“ Shiro digs his nails into his scalp. “Just fucking finish, _fuck_ —“

Ulaz speeds up, but he’s making noises like he’s sad or in pain, and Shiro doesn’t fucking care about his pain right now, he’s furious and he hates Ulaz and he wants to kill him and he wants to stop loving him so badly and it makes him dizzy and sick. He wants to hurt him and he hates that. He doesn’t want to hurt people he loves, he—

Shiro lets out a soft, frustrated scream from behind his clenched teeth, and his skin crawls knowing that he’s letting a fucking monster screw him, but he’s already in so deep, and it’s sick and horrifying that he lets Ulaz _inside_ him after knowing all of this.

“Shiro…”

“Keep going, Ulaz, please—“

“I’m hurting you, I don’t want to do this.”

“You hurt _them_ just fine.” Shiro hisses, moving his hands from his face so he can look Ulaz straight in the eyes. And Ulaz has the fucking gall to look upset. “Get out.”

“Shiro?”

“Get out, get the _fuck_ out, get the _fuck out_!” He screams, shoving at Ulaz until he clamors off the bed, and Ulaz at the very least has the sense to grab his pants and leave before Shiro does something awful like hurt him.

Like hurt him.

Shiro screams again, this time into his hands, pulling at his hair, and then releasing it to slam his head back against his wall. It hurts, and he deserves it. Ulaz is a monster.

He should have known.

They both deserve to be dead.


End file.
